strong for love

I rock too fast for love …
Small, simple, safe price.
Wake me up and take me away.
Carry me where fantasies take over.
You left behind a cut
This is not a small cut that dries and heals
This is a scar on my heart.
And I’m not afraid to bleed, and fight.
Love is not anything.
Especially a cutting knife.
… forever footloose in my velcro shoes

I am nobody …
… and that is what makes me strong.

things i have learned.

in line with my newfound cynical self…

If you’re too open minded, your brains will fall out.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

How would you Rate Yourself?

Sometimes I wonder what I’m doing here. Why was I born, what purpose do I serve in this great scheme? Sometimes I think that I’m just such an insignificant pawn in such a huge chessboard, and that my actions are of irrelevance. I guess when it comes down to it, I’m afraid. Afraid to be different. Ever since I was young we were taught to listen to instructions, to never question what your elders teach you. Compliant we were, our loss of individuality had already begun. You grow up never truly appreciating the difference around you, the individuals that were once bright and sunny begin to lose their identity… began to conform. The pressures of modern life are just overwhelming. How I regret acting so badly around Joo Khai. He was just trying to express himself. Maybe he did this very inappropriately and maybe he got on my nerves more than a few times, but it did not call for me to treat him so badly. He is still a human being in his own right, with his own thoughts. He does not deserve to be treated the way I treated him long ago. You grow up living for others. Being what others want you to be. How many people doing Medicine or Dentistry… doing it just because society respects doctors. For the title, for the salary, for the knowledge that they are superior ? Is that a suitable reason? When there are so many others, desperately wanting to get into Medicine or Dentistry, because they truly enjoy what they are doing, because they truly want to make a difference? Are you here because you truly wish to be here, or are you here for someone else? I wish I knew. But everyone has a reason to be here.

There is a reason for everything under the earth. There is a reason why the bear hibernates. Why people seek solace in faith. Why gays exist (they are actually born with a transcribed gene that increases their tendencies FYI). Why exams must be done (hard as it is to believe). But before you get caught up, ask yourself these questions…

- how have you helped others throughout all these years?
- are you happy with who you are ?
- have you changed someone’s life for the better?
- have you lived an enriching life?
- do you show love to a few people or everyone including your enemies?
- do you have true friends?
- do you have memories you are happy to carry to your death?
- are you willing to give up all the money you have in this world?
- have you found a meaning in life?

No? Neither have I. But life goes on… Keep on dreaming for tomorrow, but live for the day… dance like no one is watching, sing like nobody’s listening, love like your heart has never been broken before… and maybe, just maybe, you will truly discover the mysteries of Life and all that it brings.

you.

When your lonely heart breaks
Don’t sit counting your mistakes
Don’t be waiting
for love to come back
Don’t be wastin’ time
Don’t be lost in crime
When your lonely heart breaks
When your lonely heart breaks.

i will not be waiting for love to come back . i see the truth now . love was never meant for me . it`s never worked out . why should it work out now ? i was living in a fairytale but this is reality . all i want is someone who won`t always give me my way . someone who`s passionate . someone who means what he does . someone who`s willing to fight for me.

oh wait . that`s right . fairytales don`t exist. and princes don`t exist in real life .

me , bitter ?

it`s all about the context, honey .

i knew what i was getting into . i knew why i didn`t want to fall in love or make myself so vulnerable . i thought i learnt that lesson long ago . i guess i was weak .

i shall not be making that mistake again .

written with a pen,
sealed with a kiss.
if you`re still willing to try,
please answer this :
do you love me or do you not?
you told me once but i forgot .
so tell me now and tell me true ,
so i may again soar on eagle`s wings…

maybe in the first place i should have told you this .

Don`t .
don`t care so much for me,
i may get used to it.

don`t come so close to me,
i may not be able to detatch myself from it.

don`t put so much faith in me,
i may not be able to handle it.

don`t touch me the way you do,
i may not be able to get over it.

don`t become a part of my life,
cos without you i won`t be able to live it.

don`t make me fall for you,
i may not be able to fall out of it.

don`t come into my life,
if you`re leaving me

don`t give me the hope
that you`re going to stay.
cos love is an emotion
i won`t be able to hide.

when love isn`t reciprocated with love
it hurts deep inside
don`t start something
that i won`t be able to end.

don`t make me belive
you could be more than a friend

cos at the end of it all
i don`t want to hear you say

that “i`m sorry.
i never felt that way.”

but it`s too late now , isn`t it ? don`t get me wrong . those memories were very real . i knew what i risked the day we went into a relationship . it`s up to you to decide what ends this relationship . feelings dying , or circumstance . maybe to you it was all just abit of fun. who knows ?

and yes did i mention i was bitter ?

haircut .

just got back from marine parade (yes darren it rocks). ummm . went there, had a haircut omg i LOVE my haircut (: a good one, for once in like 3 years . and then went to get my CNY clothes .. just a skirt , grey one as a matter of a fact . my first grey skirt – $21.00 . went shoe hunting – found the perfect ballet pumps, only $17.99 . ummm . also found a nice tankini – $57.75 hey look it`s a mirror image . i think there`s a word for that . hmm . need to convince parents to spend on tankini and shoes *sobsob*

i need a job, PRONTO.

before haircut…

after haircut, trying out tankini

close up of after haircut

and on the bus, me and my bro got a little bored . sue us, it`s a 15 minute bus ride with nothing to do !

my bro taking a piccie of me! yes he loves the haircut too! ;P

me and my bro contemplating the mysteries of the universe. in a bus, too.

yea that`s right we`re so cool! :P

amazing what boredom can drive people to do .

the first cut

I would have given you all of my heart
but there’s someone who’s torn it apart
and she’s taking almost all that I’ve got
but if you want, I’ll try to love again
baby I’ll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest, baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
’cause when it comes to being lucky she’s cursed
when it comes to lovin’ me she’s worst
but when it comes to being loved she’s first
that’s how I know

The first cut is the deepest, baby I know
The first cut is the deepest

I still want you by my side
just to help me dry the tears that I’ve cried
cause I’m sure gonna give you a try
and if you want, I’ll try to love again
but baby, I’ll try to love again, but I know

This is for what could be … what might have been … and what might still be … or might not. the princess no longer dares hope. fairytales are things of the past. here is reality.

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Everyone says the path of love is never easy. Why has it got to be this hard ? Why do you mean so much to me ? Maybe its true, maybe I should give up on love.

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it’s not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that’s weakness in your eyes
I’m forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can’t possibly break
When it wasn’t even whole to start with

bad/

everyone feels so free except me . i don`t think i put in my all this round .. i actually think i studied so much more last semester … but then again this semester seemed more understandable. or maybe it`s true and relationships distract you from your studies . i don`t know .

i guess i`m dissapointed . when it comes down to it i should have done so much more . but there`s no point dwelling on the ifs . if i pass, then i learn from this dissapointment and move on . if i fail , i have only myself to blame. today`s paper totally discouraged me . i actually thought i was going to pass until today`s paper . studied all the wrong stuff .. freakin muscle attachments . -sob-

and i have to start packing . only i have so much to pack i don`t know where to start . i should throw things out . but then again i dont know . all i feel like doing is just lying on the bed staring up at the ceiling. you ever get that feeling ? if only there were stars out …

and i`m also feeling HELL ANNOYED at someone … not only regarding yesterday’s incident .. but also today … how i was just taking a random seat in the exam and you SHOVED me off so you could get that station. thanks for being so considerate, thanks for not *politely* asking me whether you could sit at that station instead . and those cards would have helped alot as well. acting all pissy at me yesterday did not help your cause . and i have my limits. Everyone Does.

please … please i don`t want a supp… let me get through this…i can`t afford a supp…

Dance Slowly, Be quick to Laugh, Love wholly

Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly’s erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You’d better slow down.
Don’t dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won’t last.

Do you run through each day on the fly?
When you ask “How are you?”, do you hear the reply?
When the day is done, do you lie in your bed,
With the next hundred chores running through your head?

You’d better slow down.
Don’t dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won’t last.

Ever told your child, “We’ll do it tomorrow”?
And in your haste, not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch, let a good friendship die,
‘Cause you never had time to call and say “Hi”?

You’d better slow down.
Don’t dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won’t last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift….thrown away.

Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

op noises.

- 11.00 pm-
[chelle] – li’l kitty. – grabs x [ clare ] x in my dreams, two hearts as one.. (: gets real close and plants a DEEP, WET, passionate kiss . WOW!!!!! that was great!
—-

i wonder about the company i keep sometimes. perhaps what gordon says is true. when my neighbours get noisy i can get chelle in my room to shut the neighbours up.. hmm… *evil grin*

Stress Fat

Pressure Adds Pounds

So how and why would strain and anxiety trigger some of us to pile on extra weight? Stress activates the flight-or-fight response, a physiological reaction designed to get your body moving quickly in a physical emergency. When your brain perceives a threat, it sounds the alarm to your adrenal glands (located on your kidneys) to pump out the stress hormone cortisol. The hormone then signals fat cells to quickly release energy, which your muscles can use for a surge of power to “flee” or “fight.” When the danger passes, cortisol briefly stays elevated to encourage your body to replenish its fat stores, then returns to normal.

“The system works beautifully if you’re running for the last bus home after work. It gives you a burst of energy, which you recover from quickly once you take your seat,” says Pamela Peeke, MD, clinical assistant professor of medicine at the University of Maryland School of Medicine, in Baltimore, and author of Body for Life for Women. But when you turn on the stress response for months on end — worrying about your marriage or mortgage payments — you do damage. “Then, cortisol levels remain persistently elevated, persistently signaling your body to store fat,” says Dr. Peeke.

Stress stimulates your appetite. A persistently high-level release of cortisol relentlessly sends your body the message that you need to refuel your energy stores and also spurs a spike in insulin, the hormone that controls blood sugar levels. Insulin plays a key role in feelings of hunger and satiety.

It awakens high-calorie cravings. “We all know we don’t yearn for celery sticks when under pressure,” says Elissa S. Epel, PhD, assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of California at San Francisco. Her research shows that women tend to reach for comfort foods — high-fat, sweet treats like ice cream, candy, or cake — when anxious. That’s because these rich foods stimulate the release of opioids, brain chemicals that produce pleasurable feelings and help ease anxiety, at least temporarily.

It disrupts your sleep. Stress and the associated worrying that keeps you up at night can trigger hormonal changes that encourage weight gain. When researchers tested 1,024 volunteers involved in the long-term Wisconsin Sleep Cohort Study, they found that compared with men and women who routinely slept eight hours nightly, those who logged only five hours had about a 15 percent higher level of ghrelin, a hormone that stimulates hunger, and a 16 percent lower level of leptin, a hormone that signals fullness.

There you go. My excuse .