Saying Goodbye

One thing I detest is saying Goodbye. Such a final word. Goodbye. As I sat in the taxi, watching the familiar roads zip by, I remembered how it was. Six years ago, a fifteen year old Clare leaving Singapore. Leaving the country which was utterly familiar to her, leaving a country which was home to a foreign place. Leaving friends that had been with her through thick and thin, sunshine and rain. The same friends that had laughed with her, spent 3 hours every morning on Saturday mornings going through retardedly funny Red Cross rituals. But, the fun! And the friendship, and trust.

I miss my family so much it hurts.

Revelation

As I write this, I am a tad bit inebriated. On a whiskey and diet cola, I know, pathetic isn’t it? However, I have never proclaimed to be a proficient drinker, and I suppose that losing some of my inhibitions will ensure that this post is more honest (if it even makes sense). I was listening to a song today on the plane, and the lyrics really hit home. “Oh, look what you’ve done/ You’ve made a fool out of everyone./ Oh, it seems like such fun/until you lose what you have won…“. And, I think to myself, what have I done? Who am I fooling, by being here?

We’re going down,
And you can see it too.
We’re going down,
And you know that we’re doomed.
My dear,
We’re slow dancing in a burning room.

Sometimes you  just have to do the hard thing I suppose. Not everything lasts forever, and we have to remember that no matter how much hardship we go through in our life, there is always going to be that fragile place in our heart even if we no longer think it exists.

~

Who ?

I wake up in the morning
Put on my face
The one that’s gonna get me
Through another day
Doesn’t really matter
How I feel inside
This life is like a game sometimes

Life, what is it really?

Ask the poor, and to them Life may be having clothes on their back, three warm meals a day. Ask the rich, and they may tell you that Life is to be able to live a life of luxury. Ask a terminally ill patient, to them life may be the ability to get by day by day without delibitating pain.

Life, a myriad of details, with no instruction guide on how to win it.

Sometimes, I disgust myself with how weak I am. My mind thinks one thing, in my heart I am strong. But what comes out of my mouth is at total odds with what I actually mean/ want. It’s by no means compulsive lying, nowhere near as subconscious and it is not meant to be vindicative, but I dissapoint myself and lie to myself over and over again.

Sometimes I miss my family so much it actually physically hurts to be away from them. Sometimes I wished that I’d never come over here, that I still study in NUS. Then again, sometimes I love this place and the chances and opportunities it offers people, to be more than what other people tag them as.

I’m not making much sense am I?

But for now, it seems my path is set in stone for better or worse. And I will, I have to make the best of it.

Keep Dreaming

“We do not stop playing because we are old ; we grow old because we stop playing…”
How many people make an effort to laugh and find humour in their everyday lives? Everyone`s been stressing so much about exams – yes I have too, I admit – but you have to take time to relax each day and enjoy what each moment brings. To take you through this tough time, you have to visualise your dream – when you lose your dreams, you die . Remember what you are striving for – what you want to be and what you want to do for people when this is finally over.

We have so many people walking around us, who are already dead but do not realise it . Never lose your hope or dreams . There is a big difference in growing older and growing up. You could be six years old, lie in bed for one full year and never do a thing, and you will turn seven . If I was 99 years old, and stayed in bed rotting I would turn a hundred. Growing old does not require any talent or ability . Everybody has to grow older. However, the idea is to grow up, and always notice little opportunities that come by your way . Live your life, don’t just exist. Take risks, take chances. Enjoy each moment, have no regrets.

“People usually do not have regrets for what they did, but rather for things they did not do . The only people who fear death are those who did not live, and they are the ones who lived a life full of regrets…”

Live. Laugh. Love

That`s how I want to live my life.

But it seems lately that everything`s been weighing me down. There`s this constant goal that is just out of reach it seems, and I`m just short of touching it. For some reason, I feel so fucking inadequate. Don`t get me wrong, I`m still laughing and I still love everybody around me. It`s just that it seems to take its` toll on me even more in the past few weeks.

Maybe I get a little grumpy in the mornings before my morning coffee, But I usually perk right back up after that ! It seems like for the past 2 weeks I`ve been stagnating, doing the same thing over and over again. I`m just so burnt out I can`t find what`s needed in me to motivate myself. At this point, I guess all I can do is just keep trying harder and hope that will be enough.

Till then, au revoir!

x Be my phlare of light, my inspiration ! x

I won’t be made useless
I won’t be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear
My hands are small, I know
But they’re not yours, they are my own
But they’re not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Copies of the yet unreleased Harry Potter book have been circulating the web, with someone bothering to take pictures of each individual page of the book.

For the news story – click here

If you want to read certain bits of the book – click here

Learning Point

The most interesting theory we came across today : that pregnancy is a male induced parasitic infection.

Interesting, I’d have to admit.